Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
