; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
