if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
