she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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