I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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