Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
