I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
