I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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