Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
