Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
