I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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