his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
