I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
only if we run a train.
done.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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