nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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