I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
