I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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