I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
