My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
