Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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