I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
