So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We smell like vodka and hangover
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