you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
