Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
