is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
