I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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