You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
