she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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