she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
