I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
