I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
