Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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