were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
