I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
