Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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