Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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