someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
