If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
