I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
