You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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