Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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