i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
