DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
