She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
