help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
