I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
