just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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