I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
