I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
