I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
