Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
